Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Introducing the Editors

Since Gottesdienst is a relatively new blog, we thought it would be a good idea to give some sort of introduction to the editors that goes beyond the brief CV's at the journal website. Armed with this information you should be able to make better sense of each editor's posts here, his articles in the print journal, and his hobby horses at Octoberfest in Kewanee.

Thus, with some help from the Editor-in-Chief, the online editors present an introduction to the Gottesdienst departmental editors in the style of The Onion. Below are the headlines. You can probably guess the names. And our readers can try their hand at beginning the actual stories in the comments if they like.

Guy from Ohio Knows Everything About Living in New Orleans

Religious Anthropologists: Not All Men With Movie Star Looks, Pink Chasubles are Anglican

How To Series for the Liturgical Do-It-Yourselfer: Make a Molehill out
of a Magpie

Bishop's Son-in-Law Calculates Political Power, Hones Winsomeness

Lutheran Priest-Wizard Defies Parody with Magic Chant

Man Bites Dog, Seminary Shrugs

Liturgical Magazine Hires Token Christian Editor

Pastor "Way Tired" of Blogging to Avoid Work, Sleeps in Chair

Lutheran Chaplain Incredibly Fit, Lifts TLHs instead of Weights

Pastor So Angry He “Could Spit and Just Might”


  1. Lutheran Priest-Wizard Defies Parody with Magic Chant.

    PEORIA, Ill. - Parody was openly defied today in a Lutheran Church on the west side of Peoria and repercussions are still being felt across the area. Fr. Fritz Gandalf of Backwoods, IL, was running late for a circuit meeting and the others, assuming he was not coming, began to make light of him.

    "We keep some magnifying glasses in the narthex for old folks to use to read the hymnal," said Pastor M. L. K. Toast of Living Word! Lutheran Worship Center. "I was using one of them like it was a monocle and mumbling something in Latin - Pr. Dave from south of town loves that."

    "Yeah," Pastor Dave continued, "And then all of a sudden the doors burst open and the bright noon day sun outlined the silhouette of a caped figure holding what appeared to be a walking stick. It was then that I recalled the prophecy that one day Fritz would return to a Winkel."

    There are conflicting reports from witnesses about what happened next. All agree that something was chanted according to Tone VII and a chilling sensation intensified and then abated.

    Judging from Father Gandalf's blog, Herrsblog,* the words chanted were an ancient liturgical spell beginning, "Adjuro te, Daemonium Parodiae, exire. . ."

    "After that," Rev. Toast reported, "Fritz pulled a chalice and paten out of his cape, said Mass, and left as abruptly as he came."

    Across Peoria phone calls came in to emergency services reporting a strangely serious and oppressive feeling - as if levity had been banished from the land. Parody himself could not be reached for comment.


    * German for "blasphemy."

  2. Father Barry Leane is on a mission from God: to extol the multifarious and singular virtues of the city of New Orleans.

    Leane, concerned with regional parochialism in the Lutheran-Church Missouri Synod, has committed his work as a servant of the church to rubbing the noses of Midwesterners in their bland cuisine, music, people, and landscape.

    "I think we in Louisiana have it just right," says Leane, washing down a monster crawfish with a swig of absinthe. He added, "When December gives you lemons . . . "

    Leane maintains a blog titled "Père Blockbuster," a mischievous wink to Leane's past in movie rental ministry. New Orleans is one of the most frequently addressed topics, trailing only sermons and various categories of wonkery.

    New Orleans promotional program notwithstanding, the true purpose of Leane's blog is to showcase his strikingly beautiful wife* Esperanza, a Mexican native who attended Bryn Mawr. The Leanes have a daughter, Tiger Child, and 89 dogs.

    *this is actually true.

  3. Dear Rebekah:

    I'm surprised I don't know this guy (I'm also from the Big Easy). But he does sound kind of familiar. Maybe if I went to a circuit meeting sometime, I'd see him there.

  4. Aw, snap--I meant to say Esperanza went to Barnard! This is what happens when one's husband pressures one to post before one has had sufficient time for fact-checking.

    Anyway, I think you'll be able to recognize Father Leane by his National Review shirt.

  5. We all know who the really clever Curtis is, Rebekah. I'm counting on you to write news stories for all the editors ;-)

  6. Alas, Father Rick, it was that top one that really struck my fancy . . . although the guy at the bottom sounds like a real character too. A real nice character.

  7. Well, why don't you sleep on it, Rebekah. Perhaps your muse will strike yet. Your cleverness never fails to delight your fans in South Bend.


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