Saturday, June 15, 2013

Caption Contest


29 comments:

  1. Redeemer Lutheran Church during the "season of rock and roll"

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  2. This is all I could think of . . .

    "On a recent visit to a fairly typical Evangelical church, we were treated to one of its regular features. A handsome young woman, attractively dressed, stood before the congregation with an eight-inch microphone, the head of which she held gently to her lips while she writhed and cooed a song in which she, with closed eyes and beckoning gestures, begged Jesus, as she worked her way toward its climax, to come fill her emptiness. The crowd liked it.

    "Her song had a different effect on me than I suspect she thought it would. It did, perhaps, bring me closer to Jesus, but by bringing me closer to the sinfulness of my own heart, the kind of heart that would be excited to lust by a pretty woman begging to be filled, and that would be instructed by its conscience to avert the eyes until she was done with her performance.

    "It also made me wonder if her husband, sitting by while she went through her show, was doing his duty by her, since she seemed to have a large surplus of the sort of womanly energy that husbands like to see. (One can only account for these displays by Christian wives and daughters by the unquestioned acceptance in Christian homes of feminist assumptions about obedience not owed to husbands and fathers.) These are not particularly pious thoughts, but I rather doubt that I was alone, and as I write am in no humor to pretend otherwise."



    Read more: http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=17-04-013-v#ixzz2WIMLTPdU

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  3. "For that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition; Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, even in the chancel before the altar, shewing himself that he rocks.

    "And, lo, he shall play the drums. And succubi shall dance and make great commotion to his right and his left."

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  4. When will the contest be judged? And what's the prize??

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  5. Dave Grohl's latest band. See the bassist.

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  6. They will be cast into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. And a drum set.

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  7. In December, 2010, Salem Lutheran Church (WELS) in Stillwater, MN, called it "Proclaim Christmas," and announced:

    "Christmas is a time for fun quality time with our families and unbridled rejoicing that our Savior was born to take away our sins. What better way to enjoy both Christmas pastimes at once than attending Proclaim Christmas, a live Christmas concert by local Twin Cities music group Proclamation. If you enjoy the Christmas music of Trans-Siberian Orchestra or Amy Grant, then Proclaim Christmas is the Christmas concert for you. Proclamation combines Christmas readings with the Christmas song stylings of Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Amy Grant, Debra Soule, and their own individual Christmas arrangements to tell the wondrous story of Christ's birth in an exciting way. This free concert takes place at Salem on Saturday, December 11 [2010] at 5 p.m."

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  8. What did you expect with that freestanding altar?

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    1. Is it freestanding? It actually doesn't look like it.

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    2. One can take a Photosynth tour of Salem Lutheran Church's sanctuary, including closeups of the chancel and altar.

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  9. Remove the rock band from the altar!!!!!

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  10. "The Four Horsemen," with guest appearance by the "Chancel Chanteuses."

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  11. "Sunroof down, altar in the back, gangsta whitewalls, t.v. antenna (big screens) ...just be thankful...that you are up front."

    http://youtu.be/ZVANQheoRUw

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  12. "Jesus is just all right with me...!"

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  13. "The Day the Music Really Died."

    Alternatively, maybe

    Exclusive to Gottesdienst Online!!! Why the Three Men I Admire Most ... Caught the Last Train for the Coast!

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  14. The Gottesdienst Poll(tergeist)

    Which of the below best seems to fit the Salem (WELS) Christmas Proclamation spirit, viz., "Christmas is a time for fun quality time with our families and unbridled rejoicing that our Savior was born to take away our sins."

    A.) ...So if you just happen to find yourself keeping watch over your flocks by night ... shucks, guess you must have drawn the short straw.

    B.) ...Mistletoe is optional, but recommended for those of you who are highly unbridled.

    C.) ...Which reminds us. Did we mention "a time for office parties?"

    D.) ...So count on Pr. Jon donning the daring red-and-green striped necktie once more, under the Geneva!

    E.) ...And that's why some of us are burdened to deck the Al-tar, with boughs of totally awesome LED icicles next year.

    F.) ...So better avoid that "downer" Dec. 26 and Dec. 28 stuff!

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  15. Well, things just seem to keep getting worse, don't they.

    Once your servant's ear could have been bored through and through by an awl, at a doorpost (cf. Ex 21:6 ... I recommend the AV, for full effect). Now it gets thoroughly bored by the drillings of a doorknob band, at an Altar.

    Your (unworthy) servant,
    Herr Doktor

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  16. I've heard of Nadab and Abihu offering "strange fire" in censers before the LORD (Lev 10:1).

    But leave it to the low-churched among us, with an unbridled passion, to place strange LED light-bulbs on the LORD's fair linen.

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  17. ... And what can surpass the rhetorical grasp of the Authorized Version, at those delicious or heartbreaking moments of life we encounter, from time to time?

    "And the people ... rose up to play" (Ex 32:6) is politely euphemistic, but it also perfectly captures the lame abyss of this age's contemporary worship madness.

    For above all else, grrlz just wanna have fun. And their blind bovine guy-dze wiil, quite naturally and predictably, eat of that fruit too. "Hey, tomorrow is a feast to the Lord (Ex 32:5, AV), at the 8:00 AM traditional service. Now's our fun quality time!"

    Your (unworthy) servant,
    Herr Doktor S.S.P.

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  18. The Word became flesh but could not be seen or heard when making his dwelling among us. We made our own glory, the glory of drums and bass, that blasted from amplifiers, that blocked His grace and truth.

    Cue Linus. It's time to recite Luke 2.

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