Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Re: KFUO-FM Sold!

Editor's Note: The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod recently sold Classic-99, an award winning classical music station in St. Louis, for $26 million dollars. The Board of Directors was desirous that it be sold not just to anybody - they wanted it to go to Baptist sectarians: Albert Pujols (Pooh-holes) and Kurt Warner helped to finance what will soon be a Christian, i.e., Anabaptist and Arminian, rock station (Seriously: I am not making up). Few know that the CSL Board of Regents also recently made a sale. . .

Luther Tower Sold to Rockingest Bidder
Juanita Sunday
(Gottesdienst Press)

(St. Louis) Concordia Seminary said Tuesday that it plans to sell its 49-bell carillon and the tower which houses it to the Christian hard rock band The Letter Black.

The seminary Board of Regents approved the sale for an undisclosed amount. In a statement, the seminary said that decreasing profits from the June carillon recital series which have been held on campus for an undisclosed number of years warranted the sale.

The Letter Black plans to switch the carillon recital series to hard Christian rock. They also hope to use the tower as a venue for photo shoots of themselves looking pained and ironic. In a statement, the band said, "Carillons are way beat. Concordia Seminary has finally figured out where the Christians are." The Letter Black additionally intends to record an album which pays tribute to Concordia Seminary's rich heritage by remixing timeless hymns of the faith such as "It Is Well With My Soul" and "This Is My Father's World" with some fresh carillon beats counterbalancing the band's signature snarl.

"Nay, we are but men: Rock!"

Adolf Hohenhaugehahnheidenhardezollern, a retired music professor who has not missed a carillon concert since 1973, expressed resignation to the sale. "Reckon those folks know what they're doing," he shrugged, folding up a lawn chair with the seat and back made of woven green nylon straps, only slightly frayed. Asked if he would continue attending the June concert series, Hohenheidenhardehahnhaugezollern said thoughtfully, "Is American Idol on Tuesday nights? I've been thinking about getting into that."

The carillon bells are dedicated to the memory of all Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod pastors.


  1. Follow the money. The radio license of the station is a HUGE selling point. This is why Issues etc. was dropped. Issues etc. was the most popular and revenue generating program the station had. Once the show is gone the station starts loosing money and there is an impetus for selling the station. Millions of dollars is generated. But where does it go? Follow the money trail to see where it leads. And of course, the sale it’s all for a good cause because they’re doing the Lord’s work. Ya, right. Trust not in princes. The exit report on the convention floor in Houston will read as follows, “with deep regret and sadness Synod’s longest owned radio station was forced to be sold because it was in a deficit and, of course, we want to be good stewards.”

  2. Hmmmm, maybe this means the Synod isn't as in bad financial straights anymore so there is no more need for such massive restructuring?

  3. Howling! Sounds like these guys are really going to raise their Ebenezer and wave it around!

  4. Hey, I think I'm related to some Hohenhaugehahnheidenhardezollerns back in Niedersachsen. Unfortunately, they, for some strange reason, changed their name at Ellis Island.

  5. Awesome! As Rev Harrison said in his Q&A "We can rock the world for Christ!"

  6. Fr. Louderback,

    I, too, puzzled at that, er, locution.


  7. I have had the honor, pleasure and joy of playing that carillon on a regular schedule when I was there (1971-1972).

    This sale does a disservice to the memory of the LCMS pastors to whom these bells were dedicated. I cannot even comprehend the sound of hard rock being played on this grand instrument. I suppose that we need no longer ask for whom these bells toll. Certainly no longer in memory of LCMS pastors.

  8. Awesome! As Rev Harrison said in his Q&A "We can rock the world for Christ!" -- a cleric

    If Sherwin-Williams can cover the world with paint, by golly, why not? ... Although the proposed maneuver will leave precious little room for a cultivated soil which yields abundantly.

    But help me out here. Didn't that other Matthew, in his chapter 28, urge the Lutherans to blanket the globe with Word and Sacrament ... rather than Three-Chords and Cement?

    In any event, I'm looking forward to the Pujols-Warner Memorial Carillon easing the pain somewhat, with its rousing rendition of "They paved (ex-)Paradise, and put up a parking lot..."


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