Showing posts with label parody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parody. Show all posts

Thursday, October 23, 2014

A fresh new approach to church

New pastor brings new style to church

Lead Pastor Burnell Petersen leads fresh new worship style at local church
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COLUMBUS — A church is about to embark on a new journey as it welcomes new Lead Pastor Burnell H.R. Petersen.
The 35-year-old father of five said it was the Holy Spirit that called him to the Missouri-Synod Lutheran congregation accompanied by his wife, Concordia, to Columbus. “As radical as it sounds," the black-shirted pastor - bereft of hipster glasses, wispy beard, and shaved head - explained, ”I didn't scope out this place through marketing, surveys, or focus groups, but rather God called me here to preach the Gospel and administer the sacraments without regard to human manipulation."  
“The mission of Jesus Christ is what got me here: to reach unbelievers (not the unchurched, dechurched, underchurched, overchurched, or entertainment-deprived); but rather people who need Law and Gospel, but are being deprived of it in their tired old feckless baby-boomer churches, or maybe they’ve been hurt or are struggling in some way with being manipulated like a focus group,” Petersen said.
He went on to explain what sets his congregation apart from other churches in the community.
“We actually believe in this stuff.  We aren't giving people hipster gobbledygook and hackneyed warmed over phony religiosity, but the actual Gospel ” said the 2005 graduate of a certain Lutheran Seminary.  I like my motorcycle just fine, but I won't be riding it into the chancel."
He believes shallow postmodernism and silly innovations are often placed above the real reason someone attends church.
“If you asked someone off the street their idea of a church, they would think praise bands, a guy in jeans and an untucked shirt cracking jokes, just some of those older worn-out postmodern ideas of what church is, cookie cutter crap that just makes young people want to hurl," Petersen said. "Our congregation is not really any of those things. We don’t have praise bands, no middle aged pastor desperately trying to be relevant but just looking like a clown.  We understand or try to project in our culture that church is more than just trying to bait and switch people and downplaying Jesus, the cross, redemption, and the Gospel.  We don't throw our blessed Lord under the bus."
“It’s a challenge to minister as an actual believer instead of a poser, but if you simply carry out the Lord's instructions from Scripture, it's not really hard to understand that this isn't posing for selfies."
Petersen is excited about becoming part of the mission that the Holy Catholic Church has set out to accomplish since its opening in 30 AD.
“The neat thing about this body of Christ is we’re all broken, we’re all sinful and we all struggle. That grace and mercy that’s poured on us in Holy Baptism, we’re overjoyed by it.  And in spite of the crosses we bear as disciples, we can’t help but want to share it, by inviting people to the Divine Service,” he said.
There is no target age or demographic, Petersen said with the Church's culture-transcending hymnody and multisensory experience of the Western Mass in its fullness, along with the Law and Gospel he uses within his sermons, the congregation has no intended age, race, or status of wealth.
“It’s liturgical and dignified so that’s attractive to young families. It’s an authentic atmosphere on Sundays so parents feel comfortable bringing their kids here,” he said.
His congregation tends to be a little different than other churches as actually worshiping God through the miracle of the physical presence of Jesus in Word and sacrament is a normal scene - as opposed to projection screens, bad guitar music, skits, lattes, cup-holders, couches, dancing girls, and mind-numbing praise choruses,
Petersen is confident that by virtue of the Lord's incarnation and mission to seek and save the lost, Jesus will continue to interact physically and miraculously as the Holy Spirit grows the church according to the will of the Father, a reality he gladly invites.  He has no idea what the "numbers" will look like.
“It’s a really good problem to have,” he said.
Petersen describes himself as a "poor miserable sinner" who has been "called into the preaching office and set apart through Holy Ordination" with a preaching style that shuns gimmicks, current events, and modern media examples such as video clips and slideshows - focusing rather on Christ and His work on the cross for the salvation of sinners.  It's a radical idea, and one certain to raise eyebrows, but Petersen is convinced that this new way is superior to the old, traditional shuck-and-jive contemporary nonsense that turns people off with its shallowness.
“We have not abolished the Mass," said Petersen, in a shocking quotation of the Book of Concord, "Moreover, in our churches 'Mass is celebrated every Sunday and on other festivals when the sacrament is offered to those who wish for it after they have been examined and absolved. We keep traditional liturgical forms, such as the order of the lessons, prayers, vestments, etc.'" 

It's an idea so radical and fresh that it's a wonder this has not been tried before.

For more information about what authentic worship does not look like, visit any number of LCMS congregations.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Non catenis vinctus, redux


HT: Fr. Wade Seaver

Thanks be to God that we are indeed bound to the holy liturgy!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Meet Göttëscät!


He wears a cassock.  People call him "Father."  He is a Gottesdienst subscriber.  He purrs for the liturgy and coughs up hairballs for contemporary worship.  He also scares the cat litter out of Synodocat.

And you can vote for him here.

Monday, March 7, 2011

An internal memo


Memo

To: all Gottesdienst staff

From: Misty Rekkted, President and CEO of Gottesdienst

RE: the need to raise money

Directive from an executive session of your Gottesdienst leadership held January 31st, 2011.

Present: CEO Misty Rekkted, Secretary Frank Lee Kloolys, Treasurer Hannah DaCashover, and Development Director Donna Fendum.

The primary need to raise money has led us to determine that some changes need to be made at Gottesdienst, in order to ensure that our major donors are kept happy. Therefore we have determined the following:

• Effective immediately, Gottesdienst must stop paying attention to outward ceremonies. They make donors uncomfortable. So we must begin to pay close attention to the way in which we discuss outward ceremonies, to make sure they are not outward. Henceforth we must give detailed instructions on how to appear casual when conducting services.

Gottesdienst must encourage people who lead worship to practice smiling, and not to appear as being too serious. Note: This is a very serious directive. We need to be as careful as we can be to ensure that people who conduct services in the churches who follow our advice are always looking casual. Let’s keep those donors comfortable.

• No more Catholic-looking stuff. There’s been too much outward show, and that makes people uncomfortable too. Outwardly, we must take great pains to show that we are a laid-back organization, and that people who follow our instructions are laid-back Christians.

• Remember: all that Catholic stuff is adiaphora. So from now on, all staff members are strictly forbidden to promote any of it.

• Instead, let us be in the forefront of encouragement for worship leaders to keep in mind these ten rules intended to keep them from being legalistic:

o Don’t be too serious during worship.
o Don’t hold your hands palm to palm.
o Don’t genuflect.
o Don’t use incense.
o Don’t make the sign of the cross.
o Don’t chant too much.
o Don’t use the Brotherhood Prayerbook.
o Don’t use King James English.
o Don’t wear your cassock for Bible class.
o Don’t face the altar too much.

Above all, we, the executive council of Gottesdienst want you, the staff at Gottesdienst to understand this as a gentle encouragement, rather than as an ultimatum. Did we say ultimatum? Certainly not! Rather, take this all as “Gospel imperative.” Remember: We are living in the freedom of the Gospel.